Legends of the Sun Pig

Although Alex was still off school this week (study leave before finals), Fiona only had one week off and was back on Monday. I dropped her off at school around 10:10. Her class has PE first thing on a Monday, and as Fiona was getting out of the car, three girls from her class walked past on their way back from the playing fields. Fiona casually skipped to catch up with them, tapped one of them on the shoulder, and jumped into their conversation. The group fluidly changed step to absorb her, and they walked up the steps to the school entrance looking completely natural and at ease.

I sat in the car and watched this with wonder. This time last year something so apparently simple seemed almost impossibly far away. It has been a long road, but we’re getting there.

In April three years ago we gave Alex and Fiona their first “Independence Quest”. I took the bus to Amsterdam with them and we walked to the Dam. I gave them each €20, and the Quest was to go off together…and spend it. They could go and buy some lunch, visit a bookstore, scout for clothes, load up on sweets, whatever. But they had to spend the money on their own, in a big city they were mostly familiar with, without an adult hovering over them. And then meet up with me while I was off getting my first tattoo, or call Abi for a pick-up. Alex was just short of his 14th birthday, and Fiona was 11. They got on fine, and had a great time.

Flash forward to this Wednesday, when I was back at the House Of Tattoos again. Fiona wanted to be around for me getting the new tattoo, just like she wanted to be there for Abi getting her hair cut last month. The timing meant I couldn’t pick her up from school that day, though. So the plan we made was that she would finish school, and take public transport from Amsterdam Zuid to meet me at the tattoo studio. And because Fiona had an appointment of her own in Amstelveen at 18:00, but I wasn’t sure if I would be done by then, she might have to take public transport on her own back south again. NBD.

This, too, was a marvel to me. Not just that Fiona was able to do this on her own, but that she wanted to.

It was Emilia who did my tattoo this time. We spent some time discussing the design, and when we were happy with it Emilia made a carbon paper stencil and positioned it on my arm. Fiona showed up while Emilia was preparing her station, and she admired the design. She was looking hot from the walk, and wanted to find a shop or a café to get herself something to drink. When she wasn’t back after half an hour and Emilia was well underway with the tattoo I had a twinge of concern that she was OK, but she showed up bright and happy and (cautioned not to touch anything) came over for a close look at the process. Shortly after that she decided to head off early to make sure she had enough time to get to her appointment. Seeya! NBD.

Emilia did beautiful work on the magpie tattoo:

Afterwards I got on public transport myself and headed south to Amstelveen to meet Fiona after her appointment. (I’d parked the car there earlier to make it easier for us to drive back home.) I stopped off for some food along the way at Burgerlijk Amsterdams on the Van Baerlestraat. Weird burger, poor service. The staff seemed surprised I was there and somewhat offended that I wanted to interrupt their conversation with my order. The bun and fries were good, but the burger tasted stewed rather than grilled, and the burger sauce was a sickly sweet barbecue confection. ? Avoid.

News rolled in today that Scott Hutchison committed suicide earlier this week. He often sang about depression and many of Frightened Rabbit’s songs are openly full of his pain. But they can also be tremendously uplifting and joyous. This anthemic melancholy touched and sustained me at moments when I have been struggling myself. I am incredibly sad that he was suffering so much that he decided he couldn’t carry on.

On Tuesday, shortly before he was last seen, he wrote:

Be so good to everyone you love. It’s not a given. I’m so annoyed that it’s not. I didn’t live by that standard and it kills me. Please, hug your loved ones.

And then, twenty minutes later:

I’m away now. Thanks.

The spectre of suicide has been far too close for comfort in our family recently. I have given Alex and Fiona big awkward, tearful hugs, because they’re the only ones I happen to have close by right now.

In the song “Floating In The Forth”, he sings “I think I’ll save suicide for another year.” I’m so sorry that this year, he didn’t. My heart goes out to his family and friends.

When it’s all gone
Something carries on
And it’s not morbid at all
Just when nature’s had enough of you

When my blood stops
Someone else’s will have not
When my head rolls off
Someone else’s will turn
And while I’m alive
I’ll make tiny changes to earth

In October 2016 a storm blew through and ripped the top off of our local windmill, the Twiskemolen. Abi and I walked past the windmill last week, and we saw the new crown sitting on the ground next to it, and a sign up nearby saying that the project was due for completion in May, so we knew it was going to be fixed soon. On my way back from driving Fiona to school this morning I spotted the top of a large crane in the distance. When I got home, I grabbed my camera and walked into het Twiske. I was too late to see them hoisting the new crown into place, but I was in time to see the second blade being mounted.

Dropping the second blade into position:

Percussive adjustments:

For reference, this is what the wind did to the old blade. I think they’re planning to keep it on site as a memento.

Old and new together:

I took some video of the blade being moved into place as well:

It has been very nice weather here for the last few days. I got up early this morning and took a walk to Edam: Twiske – Den Ilp – Ilpendam – Purmer – Edam. I had originally planned to walk up the Oosterweg for the last stretch, but the route map at the crossing between Oosterweg and Monnickedammerweg made it look like there was a walking path along the west bank of the water a little further east. Well, sort of. It’s really just slightly flattened grass along the dyke that you have to share with a lot of sheep. And their byproducts. Having to lift my feet up high to stop getting tangled in the grass was slow and tiring. My walking shoes are wonderfully breathable but not waterproof at all, so I was glad that this came at the end of the walk.

My tracker says the route I took was 20.65km, and I did it in 4h 6m. Not a bad pace at all, considering that last stretch, and all the breaks I took for photos along the way. I had set out shortly before 07:00. When I got to Edam I wandered around for a bit, and then took the bus back (via Amsterdam CS). Alex and Fiona weren’t even up yet ?.

Here’s a lesson I should have learned by now: even though I myself reluctant to listen to a new episode of Hrishikesh Hirway’s podcast Song Exploder — because I don’t know the artist being featured, or because I do know them and don’t generally find their music to my taste — I always find the show engaging and find myself fascinated with the artist’s process of constructing a song. And sometimes I find a new favourite song.

This week, “On Top Of The World” by Kimbra: