Mostly Autumn at Cultuurpodium Boerderij in Zoetermeer, Saturday 21 November 2015

Abi followed a friend’s recommendation, and we saw Mostly Autumn at their gig in Zoetermeer yesterday evening.

I felt an odd resurgence of something akin to impostor syndrome while we watched them. When I was younger I often felt like I wasn’t “cool” enough to go to concerts, or that I wasn’t “doing it right” when I did go. I like watching musicians, and I enjoy hearing songs performed live. I applaud, cheer, and whistle my appreciation as loud as I can. But I don’t mosh, dance, jump around, or wave my hands in the air like I just don’t care. I’m one of those folk you see apparently just standing around with their hands in their pockets or with arms folded.

This doesn’t mean I’m not having a good time! It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I feel I have as much right to enjoy a gig in my own way as someone who likes to shake their rump all night long. (I have a lingering suspicion that this might be connected to my merch habit: do I go crazy buying T-shirts afterwards out of a sense that I didn’t show my appreciation enough during the concert?)

Standing in the audience at Mostly Autumn I felt out of place again. Apart from being passingly familiar with the Pink Floyd songs they covered, I knew none of their songs. The gig wasn’t sold out. Anyone who wanted to (and could afford it) could have been there. But I still felt I was taking up space that should have been occupied by a true fan. I’ve shaken off the feeling now, but the fact that it emerged was notable.