“Normal Stages In Child Development”

Mallory Ortberg – Normal Stages In Child Development:

6 months-1 year

  • All clocks stop when child enters a room
  • Speaks backwards
  • Moon allergy
  • Heart often vanishes
  • Hair takes on shape of Witch’s Ladder
  • Can’t touch iron
  • Everything hurts
  • Demonstrates independence by starting quarrels with the Cunning Folk
  • Appearance of Vengeance Limbs

(It’s like she knows us.)