Three hundred tasty Spartan men in line:
A hopeless stand against the Persian might.
And in among them, ready too to fight,
Is Mary Sue, her armour polished to a shine.
Like Éowyn, with Aragorns to spare
(And yes, they’re straight, or straight enough to suit,
With just that taste of half-forbidden fruit!)
They’re doomed to die, but too in love to care.
The hour comes, the brotherhood contracts
Around the precious flower at its heart.
She will not leave; she wants to play her part!
She takes the lead in their heroic acts.
(But in this version, Sparta’s heroes won
And Persia lost to the three hundred one.)

Originally posted on Making Light, this is about what the film 300 would have been like with a classic fanfic self-insertion character caught up in the middle of it.